All we do and are, depends on our relationships, their nature, quality and intensity. It starts in the home – but even for those many who started out without a home – what we do achieve and are, issues from the nature and quality of relationships we enjoyed or endured before our most defining current ones. If our founding relationships were based on violence so will ours be; if they’re based on fidelity or infidelity, so will ours be; if they’re based on dissimulation and hypochondria, so will ours be; if they’re based on loving education and being scholarly, so will ours be; and if they’re even based on overeating and obesity, so will ours be. The elephant in the room in terms of how we turn out to be, as well as our nearest and dearest, depends on what relationships, their shape and form, we bring into our newest and most defining ones.

Does it not then go without saying that not only do we have the responsibility to differentiate between what is our being, what is existential, from what is the result of occurrences over which we had little or no control? Or even more importantly, those which will tend, at a visceral level, to have a disproportionately impactful result going into the future? Does it not then depend on our levels of expression of choice, and free will, the extent to which we give homage (by our current and future behaviour) to the relationships that shaped us? Relationships which we know define and express us at our most basic and innermost.

We know that founding relationships, based as they are on past power demarcations, have overwhelmingly defining powers over our future. But, following this line, it seems to me that our founding relationships have an unimpeded route to fruition based on the extent to which we are prepared to give expression to our free will, because, at a certain point of development, that becomes the isthmus of what comes after – the sequence is nature, nurture and choice. Therefore, the more ‘freely’ we express our free will, the more conformity there will be with what we truly want and need in our personal lives.

Let’s always choose truth, particularly to ourselves.

Thabo Seseane